Project Waterbear: The Adoption Saga

Well, five months after our last update, here we are! When we launched Project Waterbear, we said that it might transform into an adoption story. Here goes.

Over the summer, we focused on keeping Rebecca healthier. The hormonal fertility treatments were not kind to her overall health, so we pivoted to maintaining her well-being and happiness. With that in mind, we discerned that adoption is the best way to grow our family at this time.

Here’s a peek into the adoption process we have been navigating.

Fortunately we were referred to an agency across the street from our church, and within walking distance of our house. We have a surprising number of local connections to them.

The adoption process through this agency is all about making good matches for the babies and their new families. Rebecca and I are going through the homestudy to make sure we are qualified and prepared to adopt a baby. No pressure, right???

Here’s a high-level list of our completed steps so far:

• Submitted application to agency
• Introductory call with agency – answered basic questions
• Homestudy call #1 – we had a Zoom call with the social workers assigned to our case to get acquainted.
• Fingerprints – we both authorized background checks for Ohio and the FBI to prove we’re OK to care for a baby.
• Fire inspection – the fire department inspected our home and certified that it’s safe for us to have a baby there. Nothing too crazy, it was mainly checking emergency exit routes and smoke/CO alarms.
• Medical statements – got certified by our PCPs that we’re in good health and up-to-date with immunizations, ready to care for a baby. Quick - is your TDAP immunization current?!
• Got mental health therapy clearance – I got official notice from my therapist that I’m OK to care for a baby.
• Compiled home residency records – to prove we have lived in Ohio long enough and pay our utility bills.
• Read adoption homework books #1 and #2, and watched adoption webinars – there’s no preparation quite like personal testimonials from adoptive parents and adoptees.
• Homestudy visit #2 – Our social workers visited our home to review our personal histories and evaluate our home. (Yes, doing a verbal audit of our backgrounds to validate all the paperwork is pretty high pressure.)
• ^^ Basically, think about the most intense thing you’ve ever applied for, and multiply it by seven. Perhaps the sexiest part of this whole process, tbh [BANGS HEAD AGAINST DESK].

Over the next few weeks, we will be doing the final homestudy steps. For example, we’re writing a short bio of our family to show birthmothers that we’d be awesome parents! Then we should be added to the waitlist of qualified families.

FAQs #1-5

So, like, how long until…it happens?  

(Say it with me, toddlers in the back seat of every car: Are we there yet?) 

Impossible to say with 100% certainty. What a fun answer!

What we can say: Our hope (and our agency’s plan) is to get through the homestudy by early December. After that, time to match is anyone’s guess. 

It could be two months or two years. My personal gut feeling is that we’re gonna be in the queue for about a year and a half to two years; Ted’s gut is telling him six months. There is zero reasoning behind either instinct, and I am only documenting them for any later Price-is-Right-style bragging rights. 

I know someone who went through the entire adoption process, home study included, in a whirlwind seven weeks; I also know of people who got approved years ago and are still waiting on that fateful phone call. Our agency assures us that the wait will be worth it, and that everyone (when matched) realizes that their specific match is so right that the wait sort of just—falls away. Not having ever been a parent, I can’t really relate to that; but I’m sure I’ll get to at some point.

How old will the baby be?

Very probably a newborn we’ll bring home from the hospital.

How much will the birth parents be involved?

This is a very common question! It’s all about doing what’s best for the child. Our baby will be part of our family, and they will have two sets of parents who love them very much. We will have intermittent contact with the birthmother, with timing TBD.

How much do you have to pay?

Having a baby is EXPENSIVE. Any way it happens.

Pregnancy, birth, and postpartum care take EXTRAVAGANT amounts of time, energy, and money.

Adopting a baby is EXPENSIVE too. We will have a separate post about the finances.

How can we help support you and Ted as you work towards adoption?

THANK YOU FOR (HYPOTHETICALLY) EVEN THINKING THIS LOVELY THOUGHT!

We’d be so psyched and grateful for your prayers, good vibes, well-wishes, and other types of low-effort, low-key, socially-distanced support as we wait for fateful emails and get ready to meet our kid! 

We have put together a baby registry, but (because it’s hard to know when things will be happening) we haven’t yet decided when/how to share that with friends and family. Nowish seems premature, you know? We could be two years from matching, and I’m not sure I could handle having tiny socks sans tiny feet around the house for two years. (And Hercules would eat them, no matter how well we hid them. He likes socks.) If we have a decent amount of advance notice between matching and birth, maybe then? TBD.

Another option: Reach out to us and say hey! We’re likely gonna be going through a lot (a lot) of lengthy months of waiting. Or, you know, we’ll wake up one day in February and learn that we’re attending the birth of our kid THAT DAY. Either way, we’re probably definitely gonna get stressed from time to time; so, even if we haven’t talked in a long time/ever, trust us, it’ll make our absolute DAYS to hear from someone who’s pulling for us. 

Honestly, thanks for just reading this - that’s a form of support in itself, and we’re so glad you’re here!

Upcoming post topics, in no particular order:

Open vs. closed adoption 101

Family profile book

Home inspections

(Thousands of) dollar dollar bills

Adoption education

Pack it up, pack it in: hospital baby bag prep